Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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