Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Come on in and take your pants off
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