I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
