; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
