I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
