I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
