Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
