he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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