in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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