Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
