Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
