Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
