Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
