I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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