Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
