Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
