everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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