If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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