peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
