): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
