Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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