So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
