His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
