He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
