Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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