is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize