so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
