My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
