you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
