how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
