This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
