my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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