I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
