Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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