What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
