there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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