i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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