Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
