So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize