A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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