just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
