Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
