Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
