did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Woke up backwards on a recliner
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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