big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
it glows. i had to have it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
