better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
