I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
