Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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