i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
