Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
