things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
