were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
