What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
