He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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