Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
