I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
