im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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