you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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