He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
