Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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