if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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