I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
