Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Vodka?
Forever.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
