It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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