she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You pole danced in your parka.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
