doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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