1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
