I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
