my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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