apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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