You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize