Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize