would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
