Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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