Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
