I haven't been this sober since birth.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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